Pigskin Pundit’s Picks 3

Call this the Week of Squeaks.  Many of last week’s games were closer than they should have been, with the Chiefs needing two FGs in OT to put away the stubborn Colts on SNF (the Monday pigskin hangover was rough), Green Bay barely skinning by the Jets, the Brownies just edging past the Buck-an-hours, Philly barely outclashing the Titans and Minnesota just kicking their way past the hibernating Bears in an all-field goal snoozefest (‘stop with the kicking!’, to quote comedian Kevin Pollak).  I have shifted my goal from outperforming the top prognosticators at NFL Network to ESPN this season.  I’ll take another victory lap for going 12-4 again this week, woot!!  Their best are at 22-10 so far.

Here’s the picks.

Falcons at Packers – The Pack stunk the house out in Gotham Sunday, barely escaping the still abysmal Jets after committing 133 yards in penalties.  Slop ain’t gonna cut it, and they are the Sloppy Joes of Lambeau.  No running game is also going to create problems for the Cheesers.  Good thing they have the flightless Falcons to pounce on this week, a team that can’t seem to stop stopping itself.  As bad as this cheese stinks, they should still have enough punch to pluck the turkeys from Atlanta.  Limberger Lambeaus Blank Arthur’s Aquilas.

Chargers at Bills – I’ll be quick here, like Buffalo will when they destroy the Chargers by halftime.  Burly Bills Bury Battered Bolts Before Beer & Bathroom Break.

Panthers at Browns – The headline to last week’s game could have been ‘Cleveland Steamer Sinks Pirate Galleon’, as Monken’s Monkeys outgunned Mayfield’s Mediocres.  Carolina is a rising power in their division, with a core of leadership that is coming of age with every game.  This is a bit of a pick’em because of what the Browns did last week and home field….but, as JT so aptly sang, “In my mind I’m goin’ with Carolina…cantcha see the touchdowns, cantcha just feel the field goals…”

Jets at Lions – Ok, you tell me which Lions team shows up.  They should maul the Jets.  They should be on top of their division.  They should…blah blah.  The Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Lions.  Detroit needs games like this to pad their record, but Geno Smith isn’t known for laying down in his career any place he has played.  I’m fascinated to see what role the Jets play in the NFC North standings on their flight through that division.  Anyway, here goes.  Pontiac Pussycats Pounce on Perennially Pathetic Planes.

Texan at Colts – Somebody is going to leave here with their first win.  Neither of these teams deserves to be in the basement.  They’re both talented, focused and improving.  I think Indy is ready to break out, especially after their dogged performance against Kansas City.  Indy is thin at WR currently, which is a problem.  But it was a problem Sunday night too, and they came inches from knocking off Mahomes & Co.  Colts finally bolt the corral for a victory.

Patriots at Jaguars – Pats come in with a top-tier defense, and a rather poor offense.  The Jags are more balanced, and they score more points per game.  This will probably be a grinder game, as Jacksonville’s ground game will be important when NE suffocates Lawrence’s aerial options.  Really hope to see a better Drake Maye this week, and some better play-calling from Josh McDaniels, with Henderson back healthy.  Minutemen gun for some fun in the sun, but Trevor’s endeavors get him to 2-and-1.

Chiefs at Dolphins – I’ll keep it brief – Chiefs.

Titans at Giants – When Titans meet Giants, who is the bigger team, LOL?  The Giants suffered a big loss when their Dart broke a tie rod, so Jameis ‘Crablegs’ Winston will have another go at the rock.  Expect Cam ‘Scat back’ Skattebo to be a factor against the Tennessee D.  I have been a John Harbaugh fan for decades as an adversary, and while I think Saleh has a high ceiling as a coach, I have watched Harbaugh weather heartbreaking multiple injured starters before and somehow remain competitive.  I don’t know just how, but I like NY to hold the line.  Big Blue stays tried-and-true, while Tennessee goes Oh-and-three.

Bengals at Steelers – The Steelers looked rusty and bent in New England’s drizzle last week, and Rodgers got scrapped for the backup, while Cincy butchered the Houston Heifers for a Texas bbq.  And what’s with Aaron denigrating all his past girlfriends on Cam Heyward’s podcast?  Anyhoo, Pittsburgh will try and regroup for this divvy battle, but I don’t see where they are going to find more than they put on the field last week, to no avail.  In this Rust Belt wrestle, the rusty Steelers get belted hard by Burrows’ Bengali Bruisers.

Seahawks at Commanders – Jayden Daniels is out, along with Washington’s chances to command anything this week.  The defending (and probably repeating) champions are coming to take DC by storm, and like Hurricane Polo, they are an intense and irresistible force of great malevolence and damage.  Get your plywood window covers out, cuz there will be stuff flying everywhere when this storm goes off.  Drew Locks down another W as Mr. Smith-Njigba goes to Washington.

Cardinals at Niners – Nothing could be finer than to sit inside a diner having dinner with the Niners while they give the Cards a shiner.  It would be a Cardinal sin not to pick San Fran.

Vikings at Buccaneers – I’m still not sure what the Vikes are this season, besides in first place and undefeated.  Murray in a Hurry returns under center this week, so the added run threat and his playmaking ability should infuse the team with even more comfort and confidence about their legitimacy in 2026.  The Bucs still haven’t tasted victory this year, and my gut tells me that they’ll have to wait for their ship to come in.  This one is a Viking ship, and it brings a beatdown and pillaging to Tampa.

Raiders at Saints – We all know the Raiders aren’t ready to tear off a bunch of improbable wins, so their streak ends at 2.  The WhoDats aren’t any kind of powerhouse to threaten the quiet halls of the NFC elite teams, but they are energetic and talented enough to send these one-arm bandits back to Lost Wages with no chips.  Olave & Fant give Aw Shoughs some breathing room downfield to take Maxx Crosby’s heat off a bit, and Etienne and Kamara are a power backfield to help move the sticks as well.  Black & Gold tops Black & Silver as the Saints go marching in – to the end zone.

Ravens at Cowboys – This has become a more interesting game after last week’s outcomes.  Dallas returned to form after a Week 1 debacle, and the Saints marched into the mean streets of Baltimore and extracted a road win – tough to do.  The Ravens & Cowboys are on the road this week to Brazil, in another one of Good King Roger’s ‘Away & Away’ jetlag series.  This is also a pick ‘em, as both teams are better than their records, with something to prove.  My coin flip says Dallas doesn’t have an answer for Derrick ‘Oh’ Henry, who can still wear a defense out over 4 quarters.  Cowboys get waxed in Brasil – blame it on Rio.

Rams at Broncos – Broncs are home again in their Rocky Mountain High paradise, where they fended off the claws and jaws of the gasping Jaguars last week.  The Rams reduced the Giants to midgets in a one-sided romp stomp, without Myles Garrett.  MG is out again this week, so we still have to wait for the combination of Garrett & Donald to take the field and stop the space/time continuum when they collide upon the same hapless QB, who then ceases to exist in this dimension.  Talk about a great disturbance in the Force!  Until then, the Rams will be Skywalking to victory in Denver this week as they lasso the Broncs at Mile High.

Eagles at Bears – DaBears got trapped by the Purple People Eaters and lost their QB1 & QB2.  ‘How ya like me now?’, as the song goes.  We don’t, thanks.  The Eagles aren’t the overpowering team they have been the last five years, but the defanged Bears aren’t the same team they were a week ago, either.  Keenum will make a Case for himself, but this went from a great MNF matchup to a “Hey, let’s watch roller derby instead!” kinda night.  Philly knocks the Bears silly.

Enjoy the games!

-Pigskin Pundit (Nate Clark)